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and I'm stuck with a cat.
I thought the segment
went quite well.
[Whiny Voice]
"I thought the segment went quite well."
Of course it went well,
you toad!
The 50 housewives
who saw it, loved it.
This is WalterJ. Chapman
reporting live from The Hague.
Oh, please,
what a know-it-all!
...were met with angry crowds...
And everybody always said
I was the handsome one.
I was the smart one.
And I was born first.
But there you are
"live from The Hague"...
and here I am working with this sack of dander
on a dead-end regional morning show.
Back to you, Dan.
Back to you, Dan.
- [Moaning]
- Did you eat all four boxes of lasagna?
It's not my fault. They started it.
What am I gonna do
with you?
Love me. Feed me.
Never leave me.
Come on. Let's go for a ride
to someplace you love...
that always leaves you
feeling pampered and refreshed.
Huh? Oh, I know...
Chuck E. Cheese.
Thank you.
No? Wendy's?
Taco Kitty? No?
Well, I'm stumped.
Maybe Olive Garden for you?
Hmm. The only time I ever leave my cul-de-sac
is when Jon takes me to the vet...
which he's been doing a lot recently,
and it appears to have nothing to do with me.
Jon must want to go
for his own reason.
Well, there's nothing wrong
with Garfield.
He's just a happy,
fat, lazy cat.
No need for
a second opinion.
- Well, I worry about him.
- I know you do.
You know, you care about him more than
any owner I've ever known.
"Him" has a name.
Is this an H.M.O.?
Let's get Garfield in for his dip.
I wanna talk to you in private.
- Mm. Oh!
- She's so beautiful.
Uh, Mr. Pathetic, you've had a crush
on her since high school.
Would you please ask her out so she can
reject you, and we can get on with my life?
- I have to ask her out.
- [Groans]
- Wish me luck.
- Okay, go get 'em, big tiger.
You the man. You the fella.
You the boss.
You preach to her. Show her how
the cow eats the cabbage...
you hopeless loser.
Betty, today, why don't you start me off
with a Swedish massage...
a manicure
and a pedicure, okay?
Seaweed wrap, loofah...
belly rub, uh...
tail waxing and then
crack my toes to finish.
Jon, there's something
important I need to ask you.
Something that I wouldn't ask
most guys who come in here.
Wait, no. I think I know
where this is going.
- You do?
- I do.
Liz, I've wanted to ask you
the same thing for a very long time.
- Are you sure that
we're talking about the same thing?
- Absolutely.
Yeah, uh, I've never been more sure
of anything in my entire life.
Liz, I am ready
to take a chance.
- I am ready for...
- [Yips]
Thank you.
- A dog!
- [Laughs]
A dog.
I'm ready for a dog.
- [Laughs]
- Hi.
- Hey, I think he likes you.
- Hi. Yeah.
- [Whines]
- Hi.
[Chuckles] He's a frisky... frisky
little fella, isn't he?
His name's Odie,
and he's not gonna make it...
if he has to live
his life in a cage.
He needs to
be loved.
[Hair Dryer Blowing]
Well, thank you. Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
- No, maybe not in my neighborhood.
- [Whining]
Hey, Boomer,
I really gotta run.
Gotta fly, everybody. Really, please,
stay behind the security fences.
So great of you
to come out to see me...
but I've got somebody waiting for me,
very devoted, almost crippled.
- [Meowing]
- No, please, don't cry.
I know what it's like to be unloved.
Well, you do.
I'll try to come back and visit,
and if I don't, I'll try to write.
- Bye-bye.
- Does anybody know this guy?
Bye-bye, everybody.
Garfield is leaving the building.
Jon, you know you don't have to do this
if you don't want to.
No. No, it's okay.
Some part of me always wanted
to know what it'd be like...
to have a pet that actually
wants to play with you.
You're a good friend.
One question... Am I still gorgeous?
Jon, I think we got
a little problem here.
- [Whining]
- Uh, Jon...
I can help
the transition go smoothly.

- , ...

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