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he's seeing spots.
What's the matter, Ferris?
Honey, feel his hands.
They're cold and clammy.
I'm fine.
- I can get up.
- No.
- I have a test today.
- No.
I have to take it.
I want to go to a good college,
so I can have a fruitful life.
Honey, you're not going
to school like this, now.
Fine. What's this? What's his problem?
- He doesn't feel well.
- Yeah, right.
Dry that one out,
you can fertilise the lawn.
Jeanie? Is that you?
Jeanie? I can't see that far.
Jeanie? Jeanie, I...
- Bite the big one, Junior.
- Thank you, Jeanie. You get to school.
Wait, you're letting him stay home?
I can't believe this.
If I was bleeding out my eyes...
you guys would make me go to school.
This is so unfair.
Jeanie, please don't be upset with me.
You have your health. Be thankful.
That's it. I want out of this family.
I'm okay. I'll just sleep.
Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon.
Now, listen,
I'm showing some houses to that...
that family from Vermont today.
So I'll be in the area.
Now, my office will know just where
I am if you need me, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
I'll check on you too, pal.
It's nice to know
that I have such loving, caring parents.
You're both very special people.
Now, you get better, pumpkin.
[Sweetly] Okay, pumpkin.
I'll be home at 6:00 sharp.
If you need anything, call.
- We love you, sweetie.
- I love you, too.
[Mumbling sweetly]
Call if you need us.
They bought it.
[MTV theme music]
One of the worst performances
of my career...
and they never doubted it for a second.
How could I possibly be expected
to handle school on a day like this?
This is my ninth sick day this semester.
It's getting pretty tough
coming up with new illnesses.
If I go for 10, I'm probably
going to have to barf up a lung.
So I better make this one count.
[Upbeat Latino music playing on stereo]
The key to faking out the parents
is the clammy hands.
It's a good non-specific symptom.
I'm a big believer in it.
A lot of people will tell you that
a good, phoney fever is a dead lock.
But, you get a nervous mother,
you could wind up in a doctor's office.
That's worse than school.
You fake a stomach cramp...
and when you're bent over,
moaning and wailing...
you lick your palms.
It's a little childish and stupid...
but then, so is high school.
Life moves pretty fast.
If you don't stop and look around
once in a while, you could miss it.
I do have a test today.
That wasn't bullshit.
It's on European socialism.
I mean, really, what's the point?
I'm not European.
I don't plan on being European.
So, who gives a crap
if they're socialists?
They could be fascist anarchists.
It still wouldn't change the fact
that I don't own a car.
[Singing Danke Schoen]
It's not that I condone fascism...
or any "ism," for that matter.
"Isms," in my opinion, are not good.
A person should not believe in an "ism,"
he should believe in himself.
I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe
in Beatles, I just believe in me."
A good point there.
After all, he was "The Walrus."
I could be "The Walrus."
I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
- Adams?
- Here.
- Adamley?
- Here.
- Adamson?
- Here.
- Adler?
- Here.
- Anderson?
- [Shouting] Here.
- Bueller?
- He's sick.
My best friend's sister's
boyfriend's brother's girlfriend...
heard from this guy
who knows this kid, who's going...
with a girl who saw Ferris pass out
at Thirty-One Flavors last night.
I guess it's pretty serious.
- Thank you, Simone.
- No problem whatsoever.
Frye? Frye?
[Phone ringing]
FERRIS: Cameron, babe,
what's happening?
Very little.
- How do you feel?
- Shredded.
Is your mother in the room?
She's in Decatur.
Unfortunately, she's not staying.
Where are you?
I'm taking the day off.
Now get dressed and come on over.
I can't, stupid, I'm sick.
That's all in your head.

- -

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