land
Iet my Cameron go.
Cameron is so tight -
- that a lump of coal stuck up his ass
would turn into a diamond.
- Katie Bueller.
- Edward Rooney, Dean of Students.
I'm so sorry.
I completely forgot to call.
- You know your son isn't in school?
- Yes. Ferris is home sick.
I had a meeting this morning.
I forgot to call. I'm very sorry.
Are you also aware -
- that Ferris does not have
an exemplary attendance record.
What?
He has missed an unacceptable
number of school days.
Ferris is not taking
his academic growth seriously.
I've spent my morning
examining his records.
If Ferris thinks he can coast through
to graduation, he is sorely mistaken.
I have no reservation whatsoever-
- about holding him back
another year.
- This is all news to me.
- It usually is.
- He has been absent nine times.
- Nine times?
- Nine times.
- He hasn't been sick nine times.
That's probably because he
wasn't sick, he was skipping school.
Wake up and smell the coffee.
It's a fool's paradise. He's leading
you down the primrose path.
- I can’t believe it.
- It's right here in front of me.
He has missed nine days ...
I asked for a car. I got a computer.
How's that for being born unlucky?.
Grace!
Mr. Rooney, Ferris is home
and he is very ill.
- I debated even leaving him.
- Grace!
At this time of year, children
are prone to taking the day off.
But I can assure you
that Ferris is a very sick boy.
Never had one lesson.
In 1930 the House of Representatives,
in an effort to alleviate the effects of ...
Anyone?
The Great Depression.
Passed the ... anyone?
The Holly-Smoot Tariff Act.
Which raised or lowered?
Raised tariffs in an effort to collect
more government revenue.
Did it work?.
Anyone know the effects?
It did not work and the United States
sank deeper into the Depression.
Today, we have a similar debate
over this. Anyone know what this is?
Anyone seen this before?
The Laffer curve.
Anyone know what this says?
It says that at this point
on the revenue curve -
- you will get exactly the same
amount of revenue as at this point.
Does anyone know
what Bush called this in 1980?
Anyone? Something-doo economics.
Voodoo economics.
Jeanie, I'm really sorry
about your brother.
What are you sorry for?.
I have to live with him.
- I heard he's really sick.
- Who said he's sick?.
A bunch of people
say he's close to death.
I heard that if Ferris dies, he's
giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder.
He's such a sweetie. Got to go.
- Hi, Jeanie.
- Shut up.
How desperate is the situation?
Did you see "Alien"?
When the creature
was in that guy's stomach?
It feels like that.
Freshman.
- Are you kidding?
- Do I sound like I'm kidding?
- It's Ferris Bueller.
- He got me out of summer school.
We appreciate you letting us
know how you’re doing.
I hope he doesn't die.
I can't handle summer school.
- Give me somebody else.
- Sure, hold on.
- Did you see "Alien"?
- Yeah, why?.
Hello? Hi, Ferris, how's your body?
You're dying?
- Is it serious?
- I hope not.
- I may need a kidney transplant.
- Shit! Are you upset?
- Excuse me.
- Will you be alive this weekend?
- Yeah, I'd say so.
- Great. Maybe I'll see you.
I don't trust this kid
any further than I can throw him.
With your bad knee, Ed,
you shouldn't throw anybody. It's true.
What is so dangerous about him
is that he gives good kids bad ideas.
The last thing I need is 1 ,500 Bueller
disciples running around these halls.
He jeopardizes my ability
to govern this student body.
- He makes you look like an ass.
- Thank you, but you're wrong.
He's very popular.
Sportoes, motor heads, geeks,
sluts, bloods, wasteoids, -
- dweebies, dickheads,
they all adore him.
That is why I have got to catch him.
To show these kids that his example
is a first-class ticket to nowhere.
Ed! You sounded
like Dirty Harry just then.
Really?.
Thanks, Grace.
- You can't make me wait like this.
- Let me rot in peace.
It's my ninth sick