from the Millennium Falcon
and line up against the wall.
- Now!
- Oh.
- Oh, God.
- Linus, what are you doing, man?
I'm feeling crazy right now.
- Dude, do you have any idea
how valuable that thing is?
- Not a good idea.
Put it down. Come on.
Put it down nowI
You guys stand up against the wall,
or I will smash this thing into a billion pieces!
I will.
I will smash thisI
- No.
- What, you think I won't?
- No, I don't.
- No, you don't, you think that I won't...
or, no, you don't, you think that I will?
- The first one.
- I'm confused. Who's doing what now?
- You tell me.
- It doesn't matter.
Because if he puts down the Millennium
Falcon, I will smash this training remote...
erasing it from history.
- Come on, guys. Let's rethink this.
- [ Both ] Shut up, Windows!
-Who's doing what?
-Put down the Millennium Falcon
and the training remote...
or I will destroy this puppet.
- Craig! You can't!
- Shut up, Barry.
- Put down Master Yoda!
- You put yours down, damn it!
- I can't do it!
- [ All Shouting At Once ]
- All right, everybody shut up!
- Oh!
Swear to God, this little ewok
is going up in flames! I'll do it.
- Do it. Go ahead. Burn it.
- I will.
- Yeah, burn it.
- Guys, nobody wants this.
- I will.
- [ Imitating Yoda ] Burn it. Burn it.
- I'm gonna. That's what I said!
- Burn it!
Good. I was always more of
a Star Trek fan anyway.
[ Groans ]
Damn Trekkies are everywhere!
[ Footsteps Approaching ]
All right, we'll take it from here.
Sir, give me the Falcon.
- I can't believe I let you guys get me into this.
- Shut up!
How you guys doing?
You guys doing good?
So let me get this right.
You guys wanted to see
our movie early for free.
So you broke into private property, huh?
- And you tried to steal it.
- I-I-
I haven't even seen the movie yet!
Sir, I understand that this looks bad-
It looks like three-to-five-years, locked-up,
for-breaking-and-entering bad.
That's right, sweet cheeks.
By the time y'all walk away from this...
your faces are gonna be
shrunken and shriveled...
just like your one nut.
What? How can he possibly know that?
Oh, we know about your uniball.
We know everything,
Mr. Harold Hutchinson, a.k.a. Hutch.
Son of Gloria.
Humongous Rush fan.
Dude, you're freaking me out.
How do you know this?
Because you have a Rush shirt on, dipshit.
And because we have
a dossier on every single one of you.
- [ Phone Sounding ]
- No one move!
Get your hands off the glass table.
- Hello, Mr. Lucas.
- [ All Chattering At Once ]
Shut up!
Shut your mouths.
- Yes.
- I can hear his beard.
Yes. Shut up. Mm-hmm.
I don't wanna say that it was a hole in my
security, but- How did you guys break in?
- I used a grappling hook-
- And we climbed-
- Was William Shatner involved with this?
- No. Not at all.
They said no.
No. No one was hurt. Not yet.
Mm-hmm.
Okay. Very well.
Damn it. I've just been told
that what I said earlier I no longer believe.
Hmm?
Mr. Lucas is touched and mildly flattered
by what you have done here.
And I have been informed
that I feel the same way.
- So the charges are gonna be dropped.
- [ All Cheering ]
That is, of course, if you are...
what you appear to be.
Uh, what do we appear to be?
Fanboys. Something we can easily
determine with a simple quiz.
What is the name of the planet
that Leia gave Grand MoffTarkin...
as the false location of the rebel base
in Episode IV?
- Dantooine.
- What is the name of the gunner
in Luke's snow speeder?
- Dak.
- Where is a woman's g-spot located?
- What?
- If you were to ask a woman to
perform a Mississippi handbag...
where would your testicles end up?
That's not a Star Wars question.
I didn't say the nipples.
I said the little bumps around the nipples.
Yar-Arr-
That is not a Louisiana pile driver.
But you wouldn't know
about that, would you? Hmph. Virgin.
[ Chuckles ]
Virgin.
Areola borealis?
Near the-the, um, bumps?
That's what you do.
You aim for