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just stuff a sock down there?
That's not what this is about.
I am a sports car enthusiast.
- I've always been into cars.
- What's the horsepower?
I don't know, but look how shiny!
- I can't believe you bought this.
- So can I have a ride, stud?
Hop in.
Get ready for the
smoothest ride of your life.
Damn it.
Okay, who's next?
I am gonna do something today. I
won't sit around like some old lady.
I want to get something pierced.
Like my nose or my tongue or something.
Really? Because that hurts.
So what?
The way I see it...
Son of a bitch!
Look, I know what
you're going through.
I'm totally freaked out
about turning 25.
Get out of my apartment.
Rach, I think that you're doing great.
Let's face it,
no one handles this well.
Least of all you.
Put that back on.
Monica will be here any minute.
But it hurts my Joey's apple.
For the last time, it's not named
after each individual man.
You've done a wonderful job with
the party. Everything's so lovely.
Well, not as lovely as you.
I can't believe you have a
30-year-old daughter.
And I can't believe you have
a tux that's 30 years old.
It's older than that. Ross was
conceived right near this tuxedo.
Everybody hide!
She's coming.
Everybody down!
Everybody stay here.
I'll find out what's going on.
Hey, you got the door open!
Hey, are you drunk?
No.
Okay.
Okay.
See, I was a little nervous
about turning...
...30.
So the busboys took me out
for some drinks.
Might want to puke on you later.
Here's the thing. We've thrown
a very formal surprise party for you.
- Your parents and friends are in there.
- No!
- Yes! Yes!
- No.
Oh, no! My parents have never
seen me drunk.
That they know of.
We'll get you some coffee.
They'll never know that you're drunk.
- You promise?
- I'll take care of it.
I love you so much.
Okay, we have to do something
about your breath.
What about your breath?
That's still yours.
Now remember,
it's a surprise party.
So when you go in, act surprised.
Ready?
Surprise!
Okay, forward. Forward.
Stop!
Okay, back... Stop!
Okay, for... Stop!
Stop! Stop!
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
I'll break into this minivan,
put it in neutral.
You push it forward
so Ross can get out of the spot.
All right. Here we go.
Haul ass!
Happy 30th birthday! Here.
It's for the child in you.
And the woman.
Happy 30th!
Why do you keep saying that?
Because it's our 30th birthday.
Yeah, no, we're not 30.
We're 31. Okay.
Wait.
Oh, it's you.
Yeah. What?
Yeah, we're not 30. We're 31.
That's what it says
on my birth certificate.
You have a birth certificate?
I got a big box of family stuff
when my mom died.
Our mom.
Right. Okay.
- Do you have mine?
- No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, we are 31!
Yeah.
I just lost a whole year of my life.
Okay.
- Your middle name is Pamela?
- Yes.
I never knew mine.
Do you remember what it is?
Yes.
Phoebe.
- That's my first name.
- Right. Okay. Then, no.
We made it across the room.
You're doing great.
What's going on?
Monica's a little drunk.
Yeah! I love drunk Monica.
Oh, she's so much more fun
than regular Monica.
She doesn't want her parents to know.
All right, all right.
Here's what we'll do.
I'll get twice as drunk,
then no one will even notice her.
What's going on?
Monica's wasted.
Maybe that'll liven up this party.
Will you just help her get changed?
Taking care of a drunk, naked woman
seems like a job for Joey.
This one's from me.
It wasn't on your list,
but it's really fun.
A scooter.
Stick to the list.
Always stick to the list.
No, no, I love it. Thank you.
Open ours next! Open ours next!
Now that you're a couple,
we don't get two gifts?
For my last birthday,
you gave me a hug.
Read the card! Read the card!
"Happy birthday, Grandma.
It's better to be over the hill...
...than buried under it.
All our love, Monica and Chandler. "
That's funny.
No, no. That was a joke.
I know, I get
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