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you
because of your weight.
That's why you broke up with me?
You didn't know that?
Well, I guess my work here is done.
First of all, I would like to say
you both performed very well, okay?
You should be proud.
And I'd also like to say, in this
competition, there are no losers.
Well, except Rachel. Damn it!
Really? I won.
- What?
- I'm sorry, Rach, it was really close.
- Well, then I demand a recount!
- Actually, it wasn't that close.
You know what?
Your thing was so stupid anyway.
We're gonna flip a coin, all right?
Heads.
What? The coins have
finally forgiven me!
Know what? I hope Monica
forgives you after you throw her...
...vegetarian-voodoo-goddess-circle-y
shower.
Rach, it's gonna be okay.
You guys are the best!
Boy, I tell you. That judging stuff
took a lot out of me.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Thinking about maybe going upstairs
and taking a little nap on my couch.
Why would I care about that?
No reason. I'm just saying that...
...that's where I'll be.
As bad as that went,
I actually enjoyed myself.
I think that I'm going to apologize
for all the stupid things that I do.
Why don't you just stop
doing stupid things?
- Then you wouldn't have to apologize.
- I'd love it if I could do both.
All right, I have to ask.
What?
Will you break up with me
if I get fat?
What?
You broke up with Julie.
How much weight did she gain?
A hundred and forty-five pounds.
In one year?
My God, what did she eat?
Her family?
That's not the point.
I know it was a stupid reason to
break up with someone, but I was 15.
Yeah, well, that's not
the only time this was an issue.
You remember when you spent
Thanksgiving with us?
You called me fat.
Wait a minute.
- That was totally different.
- How?
You were not supposed to hear that.
I said that behind your back.
What if I have babies, okay?
I'm gonna look different.
I'm okay with that,
but I'm not sure you are.
You have to realize I don't think
of you as a thin, beautiful woman.
This is one of the things that
I can apologize for later.
What I mean is, you're Monica.
Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Keep going.
So you can balloon up
or you can shrink down...
...and I will still love you.
Even if I were to shrink down
to 2 inches tall?
I'd carry you around in my pocket.
I love you.
Skidmark still got a way
with the ladies.
Hi, Pheebs.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I just want to apologize.
I'm really sorry I was a baby.
That's ridiculous.
Rachel, we were all babies once.
Oh, you mean today. Yeah.
Yeah, and you know,
you deserve to win.
And I was thinking about it.
If you're Monica's maid of honor,
I get to be yours.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
When Monica and Chandler got engaged,
I put some stuff together.
- Just in case.
- Oh, that's so sweet. Thanks.
Here is a book of poetry
that I know Monica loves.
Oh, God, this is funny. Look.
Here's a picture from one Halloween
when she dressed up as a bride.
She made me carry her train...
...which was weird
because I was Wonder Woman.
Oh, and here's
a little purse that I found.
I just thought they could hold
the rings in there.
- Oh.
- Something. And...
...vintage handkerchiefs, you know,
because people cry at weddings.
I'm just gonna grab a couple of these.
This stuff is great.
I forgot this was in here.
This was the garter
that I was saving for my wedding.
And I wanted it
to be Monica's "something borrowed."
And it's blue.
Rach, I think that you should be
Monica's maid of honor.
You do?
- Why?
- Because I think it means more to you.
But, Pheebs, honey, you earned it.
It's fine.
I mean, this is something...
...that you've been thinking about
since you were, what, 14?
No, I was 10.
I just developed early.
Man alive!
- Hey, what's going on?
- Hey!
We decided Rachel is
going to be your maid of honor.
Oh, that's great!
Oh, wow. Okay, we really
have to start planning.
I have really specific ideas.
We should meet four times a week.
Come to my place,
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