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down the hall.
I'm here about the assistant job.
Okay, well, then, all right.
Well, just have a seat there.
So what's your name?
Tag Jones.
Uh-huh, go on.
That's it. That's my whole name.
That's your whole name.
Of course.
Okay, let's just have a look-see here.
I haven't worked in an office before.
I don't have much experience...
What are you talking about?
You got three years painting houses...
...two whole summers
at TGI Friday's.
It's lame, I know.
But I'm a goal-oriented person,
eager to learn...
Just hold on a second, please.
It's for human resources. Everybody
has to. Would you stand up?
No, no, no.
- Anyway, I should go.
- Okay. Bye.
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hi, sweetie.
What was with all the whispering?
I can't tell you. It's a secret.
Secret? Married people aren't
supposed to have secrets.
We love and respect
one another too much.
But still, no.
We should tell each other everything.
I don't have secrets from you.
Really? So tell me what happened
to Ross, junior year at Disneyland.
No, I can't do that.
I'll tell you what Phoebe said.
- Okay.
- Okay.
So Ross and I
are going to Disneyland.
We stop at this restaurant for tacos.
When I say restaurant, I mean a guy,
a hibachi, and the trunk of his car.
So Ross has about ten tacos.
Anyway, we're on Space Mountain
and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.
Oh, my God. He threw up?
No, he visited a town
a little south of throw up.
What was Phoebe's secret?
Nancy Thompson, from Phoebe's
old massage place, is getting fired.
That's it? I gave up my
Disneyland story for that?
That's right. You lose, sucker!
Please still marry me.
You have an assistant, right?
Did she call?
You told her I was sick, right?
Always tell her I am sick.
I don't know.
How do you decide who to hire?
I have it down to two people.
One has great references
and a lot of experience.
- And then, there's this guy.
- What about him?
I love him.
He's so pretty, I want to cry.
I don't know what to do.
Come on, you know what to do.
You hire the first one.
Don't hire assistants because they're
cute. Do it because they're qualified.
I hear you. You make a lot of sense.
Can I just say one more thing?
Look how pretty.
Let me see.
Oh, my God.
Oh. But, no.
No. You can't hire him
because it's not professional.
This is for me, yes?
Okay, you're right.
I'll hire Hilda tomorrow.
Dumb, old, perfect-for-the-job Hilda.
Let me see.
Don't show this to Monica.
And don't tell her about the "Wow! "
- Hey, Joey.
- Hey, Terry.
- Nice to see you again.
- Been a while.
Funny, these halls look smaller
than they used to.
It's a different building.
...Stryker Ramoray, huh?
- When do I start?
- How about right now?
Here are the audition scenes.
I thought you
were offering me the part.
I was Doctor Drake Ramoray,
Stryker's twin brother.
Who looks more like me than me, right?
Everybody has to audition.
You know, Terry,
I don't really need to do this.
I got my own cable TV series...
...with a robot.
I'm sorry, Joey.
That's the way it is.
...I guess you think
you're pretty special.
Sitting up here in your fancy,
small-halled building...
...making stars jump
through hoops for you.
Well, you know what?
This is one star whose hoop...
This is the star the hoop...
This hoop...
I was Doctor Drake Ramoray!
Hi, Tag. What are you doing here?
I came to thank you for not laughing
in my face yesterday.
I noticed there were no plants
so I brought you your first.
There is a plant in your office.
Kind of.
So I guess I shouldn't put
"good at noticing stuff" on my rsum.
- Thank you.
- Anyway...
...I'm guessing you hired somebody.
Well... .
Thanks again for meeting with me.
But I hired you.
- What?
- Yeah, you got the job.
- You're my new assistant.
- I am?
- I can't believe it.
- Me either.
First, I need you to go downstairs...
...find a woman
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