What's so funny? I thought you'd never ask. Do you understand why you're here, young man? OK, then. I'd like for you to tell me... a little about yourself, where you grew up... what made you want to kill yourself... how you feel now. I was born in... in Queens. Me and my parents moved to Phoenix... when I was a kid. I hated it. When I was 16... my father was killed in a car accident... just outside oftown. My mother... she'd been having these affairs... and my father knew. Anyway, she felt so guilty... she decided to become a nun. So, within three weeks of my father's death... she was in a convent somewhere in Mexico. And there I was. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know what to do. So, one day, I was... Looking at this magazine... And there was a centerfold. And I knew she wouldn't go for me the way that I was... you know, so l... I'd been reading a book... this book...and... I decided to become Don Juan. So...l called up the magazine. They wouldn't help me. They wouldn't give me any information, so... I was about to give up, and... one day, I reached this woman who worked there. I think she was a temp or something... but... the woman took pity on me... and she gave me the girI's number... so I called her up. I said that we were meant to be together... and she called me a creep, and then she hung up. I just decided that my life was over... so I was going to kill myself... or at least I was going to make people believe... that I would kill myself... so I could get some attention or something. I never really had any intention of killing myself. Thank you. This has been very helpful. Someone will show you back to your room now. Doctors... this seems like a perfectly normal kid to me. I've had a couple centerfold fantasies myself... and I'm certainly not going to commit him... to a mental institution for his. Your Honor, l--l think his behavior-- Let him go. Thank you very much, Judge. As his doctor, l concur with your views. I've spent more time with him than you have! I'll call you later, and thank God for medication. -Good-bye, Bill. -Good-bye, sweetie. Your Honor, listen-- he's taking my patient! Please! Bill! Nurse! As Head ofthe hospital, let me speak. My name is Don Octavio del Flores. I am the world's greatest psychiatrist. I have cured over a thousand patients. Their faces linger in my memory... like summer days... but none more so than Don Juan DeMarco. And so it was not so insane... that we all found ourselves on an airplane... flying to the island of Eros. lt was like the Garden before the fall. Everything seemed possible. And how does our fable end? His Doсa Ana, his centerfold... was she waiting all eternity on the beach... for him to return as they had promised each other? Why not? Sadly, I must report... that the last patient l ever treated... the great lover, Don Juan DeMarco... suffered from a romanticism... which was completely incurable... and even worse... highly contagious.
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