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I don't think.
Because you survived a car wreck?
You folks ready to order?
I didn't just survive a wreck.
I wasn't just blown up.
I have been stabbed,
shot, poisoned...
...frozen, hung, electrocuted
and burned.
Oh, really.
Every morning I wake up without a
scratch, not a dent in the fender.
I am an immortal.
Special today is blueberry waffles.
Why are you telling me this?
Because I want you to believe in me.
You are not a god.
Take my word. It's 12 years
of Catholic school talking.
I can come back if you're not ready.
How do you know I'm not a god?
- How do you know?
- It's not possible.
I'll come back.
This is Doris.
Her brother-in-law owns this diner.
She's worked here since she was 17.
She wants to see Paris...
...before she dies.
Boy, would I!
- What are you doing?
- Debbie and her fianc.
Do I know you?
They're supposed to get married.
She's having second thoughts.
Lovely ring.
Bill's been a waiter three years,
since he left Penn State to work.
He likes the town,
paints toy soldiers, and he's gay.
I am.
Gus hates it here,
wishes he'd stayed in the Navy.
I could've retired
on half pay after 20 years.
Excuse me. Is this a trick?
Maybe the real God uses tricks.
Maybe he's not omnipotent...
...he just knows everything.
- Who's that?
- Tom.
He worked in the coal mine
till it closed.
- And her?
- Alice.
Came from Ireland when she
was a baby. Lived in Erie.
He's right.
- And her?
- Nancy.
Works in a shop, makes noises like
a chipmunk when she gets excited.
- It's true.
- How do you know this?
I told you, I know everything.
In five seconds, a waiter
will drop a tray.
- Five, four, three, two, one.
- This is nuts.
- Okay?
- Okay, that's enough.
What about me?
Do you know me too?
I know all about you. You hope
for more than Channel 9 Pittsburgh.
Well, everyone knows that.
You like boats but not the ocean.
You go to a lake in the summer
with your family.
There's a dock and a boathouse
with boards missing from the roof...
...and a place you used to
crawl underneath to be alone.
You're a sucker for
French poetry and rhinestones.
You're very generous.
You're kind to strangers
and children.
When you stand in the snow
you look like an angel.
How are you doing this?
I told you. I wake up every day.
Right here.
Right in Punxsutawney.
And it's always February 2nd.
And there's nothing
I can do about it.
If you still can't believe me, listen:
In 10 seconds...
...Larry is going to come
and take you away from me.
But you can't let him.
Please believe me.
You've got to believe me.
You guys ready? We better go,
to stay ahead of the weather.
What's that?
"...to stay ahead of the weather."
Maybe it really is happening.
How else could you know so much?
There is no way.
I'm not that smart.
Maybe I should
spend the day with you...
...as an objective witness,
just to see what happens.
This sounds like a science project.
You got to want it.
You got to want it, Rita.
Come on. It's more
in the wrist than the fingers.
Be the hat. Come on, go.
- It'd take me a year to get good.
- Six months.
Four to five hours a day,
and you'd be an expert.
- Is this what you do with eternity?
- Now you know.
That's not the worst part.
What's the worst part?
The worst part is that...
...tomorrow you'll have
forgotten all about this...
...and you'll treat me
like a jerk again.
I am a jerk.
No, you're not.
It doesn't make any difference.
I've killed myself so many times...
...I don't even exist anymore.
Sometimes I wish I had
a thousand lifetimes.
I don't know.
Maybe it's not a curse.
It just depends
on how you look at it.
Gosh, you're an upbeat lady!
I want you to know it's been
a really nice day for me.
Me too.
And maybe...
...if it's not too boring,
we can do it again sometime.
I hope so.
You're still here?
I thought you were supposed
to disappear. Or I was.
Not until 6.
You rat!

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