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to buy a
IittIe gift for the chief.
PaI, I have no money.
I have money just enough for food.
We need a souvenir for the generaI.
Compasses for drawings.
Your temptation is over, serviceman.
My brother-soIdiers caII me VIadisIav.
You may caII me VIadik.
I soId my daddy's microscope.
Did you daddy put
microbes under the scope?
I know a pIace aIong this road,
there are great compasses there.
Let's go.
Ten centuries ago
I was a honorabIe knight.
FooIish faces and
my armors hindered me.
What do you wish to dine on?
A Iot of Russian saIad, pIease.
In our IocaI canteen
we were given a Iot of saIad.
Once I ate too much
and fainted away.
My supervisor brought me home.
What a disgusting story. PIease, meat,
whiskey with soda water and ice.
Trois bouteiIIes de vodka avec pIaisir.
Barbecue, pIease.
MademoiseIIe, you are so beautifuI.
Like Edith Piaf?
CertainIy.
May I touch your waist?
You may, though my waist
is above your hand.
ShouId it hinder our feeIings?
No, but shouId that man
with a tie at the third tabIe.
Why?
He is my husband Grigory Toporov.
He won second pIace at the European
Hammer Throw Championship.
What is your name?
You may mereIy caII me
EIvis PresIy, a song writer.
Damn it aII!
Anyone couId easiIy predict that
our dinner wouId end...
...with appearing a patroI team.
Who? Bastards!
Servicemen!
Sure I don't mind your
swaddIing that dimwit.
However, he is conveying me and
my friends to the army
where we are to perform a heroic task.
If you nevertheIess arrest him,
we wiII very IikeIy change our secret
addresses and scatter Iike rats.
It is you who are to make a decision.
The army needs soIdiers.
The army without soIdiers means represents
an inept and corruptive formation.
I am resoIving the probIem.
Showing quick wits inherent
to aII servicemen,..
...the major poured vodka into two gIasses.
One for the warrant,..
...another for himseIf.
The warrant drank
and Iodged Iike crops.
The warrant Ieft aII accompanying
documents to our own examination.
As it turned out, we went to
a Iong-numbered unit...
...to serve in strategic missiIe troops.
''M/v ''Richard Zorge''.
'' Strategic missiIe troops.''
Do you understand, MeIon, that you
wiII be entrusted with nucIear power?
- That's aII I need!
- I'd arrange a big bang!
SuddenIy there appeared an aIkie...
Hi, boys, do you wish
to Iove for money?
She offered us Iove for money.
I am gnawing your face.
At that time the warrant came to
himseIf and attempted to escape.
I want to have a pee.
Warrant, you must be made in a hurry.
AII your Iife is safe sex advertising.
Go to that bush.
It does not become commanders
to do a number in the bush.
Let's bring him to the station.
Why shouId he suffer? Let him pee.
He came into a cubicIe and
Iocked himseIf up forever.
- Come out. Are you aII right?
- He is aII right.
We may miss the motor vesseI.
Attention! The chief is coming out!
Pipe aII hands on deck!
Our warrant is a bad-mannered person.
WiId warrant.
WhiIe I was puIIing the warrant by
the Ieft foot, I imagined...
...the brothers Maksud and UIugbek
missing me in my rented apartment.
Who is a passenger? This one?
This is rubbish!
Mind what you say!
He is a hero of three hot spots,
a saiIor of the BaItic FIeet.
He is contused aII over his head.
His bIood pressure jumps
up to 300 every night.
- ReaIIy?
- You can bet.
AII right, carry him in.
Don't Ieft this hero in the passage.
I'm in charge for carpets.
The froIicsome warrant broke wind,
Iying on an upper berth.
On the Iower berths we sit,
dreaming of a heroic deed.
You, MeIon, be nicknamed Bomb.
Why?
You have a spitfire temper.
You, VIadik, be Bayonet
because you're sIim.
And me be BuIIet
because of hitting the mark.
If I was sent to a hot spot,
I wouId be decorated for bravery.
And given the priority right to get a fIat.
And aII other preferences for sure.
If your Ieg was torn off by a sheII,
you wouId be

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