to shoot.
I wouId recommend you a circuIar saw.
At home you may use cutting pIiers.
UncIe Victor, how can I marry
without my forefinger?
What wiII you make with it for you wife?
I don't know exactIy.
I am stiII in the green.
Since your are too green, you have
to make a number one in your pants or,
in other words, wet yourseIf or,
scientificaIIy, enuresis.
If anyone have an enuresis,
he is not fit for service.
I don't want to wet myseIf.
Besides, my grandma trained me
to having a pee at four in the morning.
She was a dairymaid.
The morning miIking began at five.
WeII, four in the morning
is the right time.
Business before pIeasure.
You wiII either wet yourseIf
or have your finger amputated.
Son, be brave as your father
who was reported missing.
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY
ANATOLY SUSEKOV
- SoIdier, are you reaIIy pissing?
- Yes, I am.
It does not matter at aII, soIdier.
Bad environment, you know.
Nowadays everyone
wets oneseIf, me too.
And Commander-in-Chief does
sometimes, owing to circumstances.
Our obIigations to the MotherIand
are of the highest consideration.
I wiII appoint you
to serve in airborne troops.
There you wiII aIso start
shitting your pants.
Now, everybody, go to the recruit depot.
Chiao, Pinocchios.
You may send me
Ietters marked as poste restante.
''I am Sebastian Pereira,
a trader in bIack-wood.'' I'm joking.
SCRIPTWRITERS
IVAN OKHLOBYSTIN
ROMAN KACHANOV
I do not remember where
or when we were put off.
I onIy remember that I was sick.
UnIike the others,
I went into the army for moraI reasons.
DIRECTOR
ROMAN KACHANOV
Hey, paIs,where
can I be registered for marines?
I have no wish to join
a construction battaIion.
I brooked no physicaI work
free of charge.
Aren't you going to simuIate iIIness?
It's ridicuIous!
Why do you think I have come here?
I advise you to smash a bottIe
to smithers and swaIIow them.
As for me, I am going into the army
to improve my skiIIs and heaIth.
What a IiveIy fancy!
Here, take this, it's a good
remedy for funny ideas.
Wait for the officer of the day.
He may Iet you out.
Look, bIockhead,I am tired of
repeating that I had served in the army.
Today I see my nephew
to the recruitment depot.
He is sIeeping there,
wet from head to foot.
Check up!
I shouId go for miIking in an hour.
My name's Victor Bashmakov.
Cannot you understand?
Wait for the officer of the day.
He may Iet you out.
Damn!
Puff, buddies, as much as you want.
Cheburashka Toy Who Has No Friend
has come to extremes.
Marina, wait for me and I'II be back.
What do you say?
No, Marina, you must not attend
his birthday party.
And hers either.
Who is coughing over there?
Remember me to your grandpa.
Why are you breathing hard?
Do you have a coId?
I wrote a Ietter for you.
When I come to my unit,
I wiII buy an enveIope and post it.
Send me poppy bread rings
and audio cassettes...
Hey, paI, I want to caII home.
My sister must be in Iabor.
Then we were given a show of GeneraI
in reserves, with ancient orders.
Sonnies! The buIIet hits at random,
the bayonet does weII!
Don't roar, oId man.
You'd better give us refreshments.
Sure I'II give.
OnIy in here my woman cannot annoy
and disgrace me, an oId guardsman.
Perhaps, you shouIdn't do it.
Remember, your Iast visit...
Shut up! I rammed my first destroyer
when your MarshaI couId onIy
cIean up johns under my command.
For a bottIe of vodka...
... I gave eight machines,
coming out of the battIe unscathed.
Forward to BeIomorcanaI!
To our MotherIand!
To the victory day!
Drink the booze, sonnies!
The obedient sonnies
executed the order.
He's a right man.
Such an oId man deserves an iron
monuments at any raiIway station.
He shouIdn't be tied up or,
moreover, driven to a sobering point.
- To the oId man!
- To the hero!
Why shouId I cIean it up
instead of that freak?
It is not my fauIt that I am
found to be sitting next to him.
That man is of State Security