products.
You'll give him gas.
And that would be
most unpleasant.
Don't tempt Michelangelo,
Madison.
You know what his psychic
nutritionist said about bacon.
- One piece. She'll never know.
- She knows already.
Oh, I love breakfast!
I'll tell you, Simmons.
Buying Sedgefood. com
was the best thing Reg ever did.
Oh, yes, madam.
Convenience above all.
Mom, aren't you gonna have
some real breakfast?
I can't. I got a nude sit-in
against fur at 10:00.
Any extra weight is gonna be
pretty obvious in my birthday suit.
Simmons, call my attorney.
Have one of his people... a woman...
bail me out around 11:00.
Yes, ma'am.
- Mom, do I get to start riding lessons today?
- Oh, Madison.
I don't know. I have issues with
the whole humans-on-horses situation.
Well, then may I have
a friend over after school?
Not "may I," "can I"!
You empower yourself, Maddy.
- You don't need anyone's permission.
- Well, then can I?
No, because your personal trainer is
coming as soon as your reflexologist leaves.
And when he's done, you've got
an aromatherapy session.
We'll talk later. How do I look?
It doesn't matter.
It's all for the cause.
Bye! Bye!
Wanna pull me on my roller blades,
Michelangelo?
Shh. No, please.
Madison.
Not while Michelangelo
is meditating.
This doesn't belong
in a greeting card.
It belongs in a museum.
Hmm?
Roses are red,
violets are blue.
I'm sad and lonely
because of you.
- All right, it's lame.
I don't write this stuff.
But the illustration's good.
Huh? That's why they pay me
the low-to-medium size bucks.
This is the first
in a whole new line.
If they like this one,
I get 'em all.
Stay!
Do not touch anything.
Do not breathe on anything.
Ah. Ah.
Come to Papa.
Come to Papa. No!
Aah! Uhh! Uhh!
Ow! Ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow!
This is a big
opportunity for me,
and now the painting's
a total loss.
After Brennan spent
so many hours posing for it.
Dad, he didn't mean to...
Sara, your father
has the floor.
- Richard, go ahead.
- My deadline was already tight, but now...
Oh, time's up, Dad.
The pot roast would have
been excellent.
- Well, the mac and cheese was tasty.
- Yeah.
Really!
Do you think you
can fix the painting?
In time,
which I don't have.
Plus, it sort of hurts
to hold a paintbrush.
Well, that brings us
to new business.
I had a few extra minutes
at work today,
and I decided
to run some numbers.
As you can see,
"B.B."means
"Before Beethoven. "
"A.B."means
"After Beethoven. "
Now, I really think
the chart speaks for itself.
This dog is really
costing us,
and I didn't even figure in
the latest fiasco.
- Point of clarification?
- Yes.
- What's a fiasco?
- It's a disaster, a debacle, a farce, a breakdown.
Oh.
Oh, honey.
I know you've gotten attached
to Beethoven. I mean, we all have.
But I just don't think there's
enough room in this household...
for a dog like Beethoven.
In fact, I don't think
there's a household...
with room enough in the entire universe
for a dog like Beethoven.
Sorry, Mom. Time's up.
I guess that concludes
the family meeting!
Well...
I love these intimate
family gatherings.
What do you think Mom meant by
the house not being big enough?
Well, I think it means she's thinking
about getting rid of Beethoven.
Come on. Get over it. I mean,
he's not even our real dog anyway.
I know. You don't
have to remind me.
Well, maybe now's a good time
to hit 'em up for a new pet.
Something a little smaller,
like a cow?
Ha-ha.
Uh-oh.
Phoebe's out.
- I wish we brought Beethoven.
- Oh, no, the gate.
- Beethoven!
- Beethoven, help!
Brennan!
What do we do?
Look.
- Yes!
- Come on, Sara. Let's go.
Thanks, Beethoven.
Come on, boy.
We can't let him go.
We need a plan.
Okay, okay. Give me a couple of days,
and I'll think of something.
That's okay.
I was... finished.
Guess what, Sara. I'm about
to put the cookies in the oven.
Mmm, they're gonna be warm and chewy,