of the way.
A slight cross wind, so be ready.
Land too fast,
use your emergency brakes.
Red handle's right in front.
If that doesn't stop you...
If that doesn't stop you,
cut the four ignition switches.
Can you see us now? You should
be able to see the field.
- Sure is quiet out there.
- Yeah, too quiet.
Looks like I picked the wrong week
to quit sniffing glue.
There it is.
There he is!
Striker, you're coming in too fast.
I know, I know!
He knows, he knows!
Below 700 now. Still going down.
675, 650, 625, he's holding.
No, he's down, he's down.
Sound your alarm now.
Now, everybody,
get in crash positions.
Put down 30 degrees of flap.
All right, listen to me.
Remember your brakes and switches.
Get ready to flare it out!
He's all over the place.
900 up to 1,300 feet.
What an asshole.
More left rudder. Put down more flap.
Just kidding!
Striker, lift your nose.
Straighten your wings.
Coming in too fast. Watch your speed.
He's coming right at us!
Coming in too hot.
Ease up on the throttle.
Watch out for that cross wind.
Level it out.
You'll have to dip your left wing.
You're drifting. Keep your eyes
on the far end of the runway.
You're too low, damn it!
Watch your stall speed.
Flare it out!
Ease her down. Down!
The brake! Pull the red handle!
I want to tell you both good luck.
We're all counting on you.
Flight 209 now arriving
at gate eight.
Gate nine.
Gate ten.
Pull out of it! Push that button!
Gate 13... Gate 14.
Gate 15...
Auntie Em! Toto! It's a twister!
Gate 23, 24, 25...
I want to tell you both good luck.
We're all counting on you.
Striker?
- Striker, are you all right?
- Yeah. We're OK.
Ted, that was probably
the lousiest landing
in the history of this airport.
But some of us, particularly me,
would like to buy you a
drink and shake your hand.
And, Ted, when the going got rough...
Have a nice day. OK.
Have a nice day and thank you
for flying TransAmerican.
Loneliness, that's the bottom line.
I was never happy as a child.
Christmas,
what does that mean to you?
Mine was living hell.
Do you know what it's like
to fall in the mud
and get kicked in the head
by an iron boot?
Of course not. It never happens.
Sorry. That's a dumb question.
Skip that.
There you go. Have a nice day.
Municipal bonds, Ted.
Talking double "A" rating.
Best investment in America.
Well, I'll give him
another 20 minutes, but that's it.The white zone is for loading
and unloading of passengers only.
There is no stopping in the red zone.
The white zone is for loading
and unloading of passengers only.
There is no stopping in the red zone.
Hello. Take this flower from
the Religious Consciousness Church.
- Would you care to make a donation?
- No, but thank you anyway.
The red zone is for loading
and unloading of passengers only.
There's no stopping
in the white zone.
No. The white zone
is for loading and unloading.
There's no stopping in the red zone.
The red zone's always been
for loading and unloading.
There's never stopping
in a white zone.
Don't tell me which zone's for
stopping and which is for loading.
Listen, Betty, don't start up
with your white zone shit again.
Hello. Take this flower from
the Religious Consciousness Church.
Would you like to make a donation?
No, thanks. We gave at the office.
Would you put all your metal objects
into this dish, please?
There's just no stopping
in a white zone.
Really, Vernon, why pretend?
We both know
what you're talking about.
You want me to have an abortion.
It's the only sensible thing to do.
If it's done properly,
therapeutically,
there's no danger involved.
Taxi!
I'll be back in a minute.
Hello, sir, take this flower from
the Religious Consciousness Church.
Would you care...
- Hey, Larry, where's the forklift?
- Forklift?
It's over there
by the baggage loader.
Look out!
- Elaine.
- Ted!
I came home early
and found your note.
I guess you meant for me to read
it later. I'