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with kids.
All i ever raised
was tomatoes.
Without peat moss,
i can't even do that.
Do you want me
to talk to him ?
Would you ?
Maybe you can get
a handle on him.
He's a smart kid.
He's an ochmonek.
Say no more.
I just want jake
to turn out okay.
He will,
As long as he
gets the love and
guidance he needs.
Aw, that's pretty.
I just don't
want jake in jail
like his father,
Or his brother,
Or his
cousin victor.
I see you've
made a little friend.
 Little friend ?
She's a beanpole.
You should see me
in heels, shrimpo.
Are you guys
having fun ?
Your daughter's gonna
put on heels for me.
I think we
should be going.
We've about exhausted
the idle chit chat.
Jake, come back
tonight after supper.
You can have some
cake with us.
Just have stretch
bring it over.
Want to pop out
of it for me ?
Want to live long enough
to drop out of school ?
Let's go.
Good bye,
So long,
Sure, peewee.
Who are you
calling peewee ?
Just asking.
Come on.
Brian, don't
ever change.
That jake really grows
on you, doesn't he ?
Not on me.
Don't you think
he's a little rude ?
[ Burp ]
Not particularly.
[ Alf ]
Cake !Cake !Cake !
Cake --
We're saving
it for jake.
He's not coming.
Let's eat.
He'll be here, alf.
The kid's probably
going up the river ...
As we speak.
They'll put him
in solitary,
Feed him bread
and water,
Topped by a
delicious piece
of chocolate ...
Jake may have
some problems,
But he's not going
to be sent to prison.
Tell that to my cousin ...
"Pretty boy" shumway.
He grew up on the
south side of melmac;
The baddest part
of the planet.
If he didn't like
your shoes --
Ack ack ack ack ack.
He'd shoot a person
because of his shoes ?
No, he'd just point ...
And go
ack ack ack ack ack.
Mr. Ochmonek called
and said jake won't
come over.
I didn't hear
the phone.
He just hollered
through my window.
All right !Let's eat.
Would you like
some cake ?
[ Crash,
cat screeches ]
Come in, scotland.
Come in, scotland.
Is this scotland ?
Aye, it is.
Hey, scotty,
beam me up !
I kill me !
Well, i'm hungry.
Maybe i'll call turkey.
Hey !
Stay !
Drop that telescope !
On second thought -- Don't.
Get away from me !
Just stay away !
Wait !You
can't leave.
They'll think i
broke the telescope.
Okay, i'll fix it.
Just don't bite me.
Bite you ?
That's a good idea.
I'll bite you, if
you don't fix this.
[ Snaps jaws ]
All right !
Just don't tell
my aunt and uncle
i was taking it.
On one condition.
You fix it, and don't
tell anyone about me.
That's 2 conditions.
Hsssss !
All right !
You've got a deal.
What are you,
anyway ?
I'm an alien from
the planet melmac.
I have powers
you can only dream of.
Like what ?
I could watch
10 hours of tv,
Without ever getting up
to go to the bathroom.
You're the weirdest
thing i've ever seen.
You should see me
with my hair wet.
Do the tanners
know about you ?
Yeah,they know
all about me.
Well, they don't know
that i've had liposuction.
Where'd you learn
to fix telescopes --
Cal tech ?
No, my dad taught me.
We used to find things
in the trash and fix them.
My dad could
fix anything;
horse races.
Wild guess --
That's why
he's in jail ?
Well, uh --
I'm done.
Wow !
You're good !
And fast !
It's no
big deal.
No big deal ?
On melmac, we
only had one guy ...
Who knew
how to fix things.
They put him on
display in a zoo,
But the cage door
was broken,
So he walked away.
Good story.
Can i go now ?
but remember
our deal --
You can't tell
anyone about me.
Don't worry --
I live by the ochmonek code.
We don't squeal
or tip.
The name's alf.
Hsssss !
I've still got it.
And magic
runs down.
Oh, man.
Takes one --
3, 2, 1 --
What are you
doing here ?

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