enjoy ...
In other words, you've
got a tax problem.
Potentially.
Then i'll just
hang on to this,
And invite you
all back next year.
You might want
to look out
the window.
"Yes, virginia, there
is a santa claus.
"He exists as certainly
as love, generosity,
and devotion exist.
"How dreary would be
the world if there
were no santa claus.
 "It would be as dreary as
if there were no virginias.
"There would be no
child-Like faith, then,
"No poetry, no romance,
"To make tolerable
this existence.
"Eternal light, with which
childhood fills the world,
Would be extinguished."
Captions performed by
captions, inc.Los angeles, caIt's a movie.
2 words.
"The jerk."
"The birds."
You got it !
No fair !You were
giving him hand signals.
That's how you
play charades.
Oh.
Well, let me try !
All right, uh --
It's a movie.
It's about you.
"The brother from
another planet" ?
"Hair."
No, you're all wrong.
It's "the man
who would be king."
Groan.
Groan.
**
[ Doorbell ]
Alf, hide in
the kitchen.
If you weren't always
sending me to the kitchen,
I might not
eat so much.
Alf, please.
No wonder willie's pants
don't fit me any more.
Hi, willie,
hi, kate,
And other residents
of the tanner manor.
Hi, trevor,
raquel.
And who
might this be ?
This is jake,
my brother cyril's kid.
These are
the tanners.
Hello.
Hi, jake.
Hi.
Hi, jake.
Yeah.
Jake's from
new york.
He's staying with us
while his father's away.
How long will
that be ?
5 years,
Unless he gets
time off for
good behavior.
Everybody sit down.
I'll get some iced tea.
Oh, please,
let me help.
After all, i am
a mother now.
That's okay.
I can handle it.
Fine !
Hog the limelight.
All right, raquel.
Give me
just a minute.
There's a big
bug in there ...
I don't want
you to see.
Alf, you've got to
get out of here.
I know.There's
a big bug in here.
There's no bug.
I said that
to fool raquel.
You expect her
to fall for that ?
You did.
Well, i'm naive.
Please,
you have to leave.
I just got here.
Isn't that a rattlesnake
under the sink ?
[ Gasp ]
I'm gone.
You can come in, raquel.
[ Coughing ]
That bug never
stood a chance.
What do you
think of jake ?
Well, i just met him.
He seems ...
quiet.
Well, brian
doesn't say much,
And you don't see
me making a stink.
Raquel.
I'm sorry.I'm
just so excited.
I have always
wanted a child,
But trevor wanted
to get his masters
in art history.
Now, that i
have a child,
I'm so nervous.
Don't worry.
Children can
be difficult,
But at least they
don't shed in the milk.
I guess we'll be going
to the same school.
Until i drop out.
You're dropping out ?
When i'm 16 --
In 1 year, 3 months, & 18 days.
Aah, geez.
Boy,
you're lucky.
I've got 8 years,
2 months, & 4 days.
Is jake helping brian
with his math ?
Not
exactly.
Can we talk
in private ?
Sure, we can go ...
Into the
laundry room ?
No, uh --
There's laundry
in there.
Well, no one can hear
us in the bedroom.
Raquel can.
Hold still, lucky.
I'll be off your back
in a minute.
Oh !
The only good cat
is a stir-Fried cat.
Ow !
Right in
the navel !
I'm sorry, trevor.
You can't come in yet.
Alf, hide.
Get out.
I'm not
in, yet.
Trevor's outside.
Promise you'll build
me a room of my own.
Hide.Now.
Or else.
Wasn't that a
chuck norris film ?
Gang way.
[ Cat screeches ]
[ Alf ]
sorry.
Why did you
slam the door ?
Well,
i, uh --
Don't tell me.
Someone didn't make
his bed this morning ?
Caught in the act.
What did you want
to talk about ?
Jake.
I don't know what
to do with that kid.
He talks back,
disobeys,
And i think he
stole some peat moss
from our living room.
Why put peat moss in
your living room ?
To keep people
from stealing it.
Obviously.
Have a talk
with jake.
Look, willie,
I've got
to be honest.
I'm no