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need me, lynn,
i'm here for you.
Do you think
i'm pretty ?
of course
you are.
You are a
young girl.
You have to say that.
You're my mother.
if you were my age,
would you ask me out ?
If i were
your age,
And you weren't
my daughter,
And if i weren't
married ...
See, dad won't
even ask me out.
Willie ...
Of course i would.
You're a wonderful girl.
You've got a
great personality.
Thanks, dad.
That's the
kiss of death.
I suppose you're gonna
blame me for this.
No, this isn't
your fault.
I know !
I just wanted to
hear you say it.
Watch your pageant.
Hey look !
There's john candy.
No, wait, that's
miss bulgaria.
What will you
give me for a
mickey mackerel card ?
What are you
guys doing ?
bouillabaisse-Ball ?
It's melmac baseball.
Instead of a ball,
they throw fish guts.
Fish parts.
The guts are sold at
the concession stand.
Sorry i asked.
Did these come with
bubble gum, too ?
Yeah, two flavors --
Tabby and persian.
[ Telephone rings]
Yes ?
The miss southland
pageant ?
You must have
the wrong number.
No, that's for me.
You'll have to excuse
aunt sophie.
Sometimes she's here,
And sometimes we don't
know where she is.
What's alf doing ?
I think
he's entered a
beauty pageant.
Shhhh !
Yeah, uh huh.
Yeah ?
no problem.
ta ta.
Are you gonna be
miss southland?
No, the contest isn't open
to professional models.
I entered lynn.
What ?
Hold that
thought, kate.
that ?
There's a dress code for
taking out the garbage ?
Brian, take it
out for her.
Our little beauty shouldn't
be seen carrying trash.
She was ugly enough to
take it out yesterday.
I'll give you
a dollar.
Okay !
You owe brian
a dollar.
Lynn, you should change.
The lady from miss southland
will be here any minute.
What ?
Connect the dots, here.
I entered you in the
miss southland pageant.
What !
Why would you do
something like that ?
isn't it obvious ?
Tell her why, kate.
he's an idiot !
Thanks for
clearing that up.
I saw how
upset you were
after the dance.
I figured if
you won ...
Hey, you'd feel
better about yourself.
Well, why didn't
you ask me first ?
I was afraid you
might say no.
You were right.
See kate,
i'm not an idiot !
I'm not entering
the contest, alf.
But, you'll win !
Alf, i want you
to call them
right this minute.
Tell them that
lynn is withdrawing.
See, even she knows i
wouldn't have a chance !
Oh, real supportive, kate.
Honey, that's not
what i meant.
Look, i'm not exactly
beauty contest material.
Sure you are !
Hey, they loved
your picture.
What picture ?
The one from your
sweet 16 party.
Oh, alf,
i looked terrible !
I still had my braces.
Don't worry.
I whited them out !
Oh, great.
Now, before the contest
coordinator gets here,
We should go over
your application.
What application ?
The one on the desk.
Why did you say that my
talent was clog dancing ?
Well, it's not singing.
I've heard you do that.
I have never clog danced
in my life !
Oh, it's easy.
What do you do ?
You just clog up a sink
And dance around it, right ?
You don't clog up a sink
to clog dance.
Then, what's the dance where
you do clog up a sink ?
There isn't one.
Well, i suggest we
call it "the funky alf."
I'm not sending in
that application.
Too late !
They already have a copy.
Forget the contest, alf !
Give up the scholarship !
Scholarship ?
Give up the car !
Car ?
What kind of a car ?
Well, i'll
give you a hint.
It's spelled
with az.
I guess it wouldn't
hurt to meet this woman.
I think i'll
go change.
Just what kind
of car is this ?
That's spelled
with az, isn't it ?
[clomp clomp clomp]
Keep those
clogs moving !
That's it !
Pretend you're
mashing boll weevils.
Were not getting
anywhere here.
Sure we

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