train."
Here. Dig --
[ Click ]
** [ polka music ]
Right now, we wanted
to check out ...
The rainfall
in sri lanka.
Going on a picnic ?
No, trevor ...
Was there something
you wanted ?
Oh yeah.Could you
turn on our sprinklers ...
While we're gone ?
We're taking a trip
to the "big apple."
Oh, new york.
No, washington state.
Some farmer up there
grew an 80-Pound
golden delicious.
We'll be happy
to water the yard.
Where's the control ?
I don't have one.
I hook up my hose
to your spigot.
I should have
no problem, then.
I never do.
See you in
a month.
Turn on "polka jamboree."
Why do you want to
watch "polka jamboree" ?
They're playing
"cat barrel polka."
That's "beer barrel polka."
They put beer in barrels ?
They take the
cats out first.
Makes sense.
We're here with
nbc president,
brandon tartikoff,
Talking about the
new rating system.
Oh boy.
How will the "people log"
system affect ratings ?
Research indicates
younger viewers
will be up;
Older viewers
will be down.
Females will be down;
males will be up.
Daytime down;
late-Night up.
Large-Audience shows
may find their
audiences smaller.
Smaller audience shows
will have a larger
audience;
Relatively speaking.
The most consistent
aspect will be ...
The total lack
of ratings
consistency.
Which,
strangely enough,
is consistent ...
With an overall
inconsistency.
If there's a quiz
later, i'm sunk.
 Time's up
already ?
We'd like to
thank our guests,
Brandon tartikoff,
and spuds mackenzie.
We'll see you
next week.
[ Commercial ]
we admit it --
We're insane !
We eat spiders,
but we're not
dangerous !
Then why do they
have you in that
straight jacket ?
So don't be afraid to visit
our used-Car emporium --
Hey !
I wanted to watch
crazy steve ...
Tear a drumstick
off that tarantula.
It's 3 o'clock
in the morning.
What's time to
a spider ?
Why is the
tv in here ?
Because i couldn't
move the refrigerator
out there.
Don't touch
that dial.
I love when
you're assertive.
Go.
Sleep.
Now.
Can i just ask
one bedtime question ?
Yeah, what ?
I saw
"polka jamboree"
tonight.
It's
really
funny.
Why does it get
such crummy ratings ?
For one thing,
It's not supposed
to be funny.
What's the
other thing ?
Nobody
watches it.
Next question --
You said
one question.
This is the
bonus round.
What happens to a show
when it's ratings are bad ?
It gets
cancelled.
[ Gasp ]
You mean "polka jamboree"
could be cancelled ?
We can
only hope.
Good night.
Wait !
If more people watched
"polka jamboree,"
The ratings would
go up, right ?
Yes, but that would
take a miracle.
A miracle, huh ?
Just call me
the miracle worker.
** [ polka music ]
**
** [ polka music ]
I can't
believe you
like this show.
It's so
corny.
One man's corn
is another man's
pot roast.
With gravy, and
mashed potatoes.
Kate ...
The kitchen is closed,
and turn that program off.
Talk about a 1-2 punch.
Should i stop
breathing, too ?
Let him
watch it.
That show is
so bad.
It'll be
off the air
soon, anyway.
Shows what you know.
What does that mean ?
It means your
previous statement ...
Reflected the sum total
of your knowledge on
this subject.
Thank you,
noah webster.
"Noah" problem.
[ Tv sound ]
Thank you, all my
wonderful friends
out in polka land.
[ Alf ]
willie, can i
have an accordion ?No.
I have an announcement
to make --
Our dream at "polka jamboree"
has finally come true.
According to the latest
thompson ratings,
Our show came in #1.
I did it !
I mean ...
Gee,
how do you suppose
that happened ?
** [ polka music ]
[ click ]
How did you make
"polka jamboree" ...
Come in first
in the ratings ?
Why do you
think it
was me ?
In 9 cases
out of 10,
it's you.
Maybe