Twangle ?
Nathinganger ?
What does
that mean ?
Isn't it obvious ?
It means my parents
were married
Before i was born.
Sigh.
And they say
it's easy
raising an
alien.
Who says
that ?
People who've
never raised
an alien.
We're coming in !
What's going on ?
Looks like he's
doing his susan
hayward impression.
Go ahead, make jokes while
my life is in shambles.
Alf, what is
the problem ?
I already told you.
I'm branded with the
worst stigma imaginable.
I was born ...
In wedlock.
Alf,
what difference
does it make
If your parents were married
before you were born ?
You don't
understand.
On melmac,
being born to
a married couple
Was the most
disgraceful thing
there was --
Next to being
a cat lover.
Alf is very upset.
Let's leave him alone.
Where are
we going
to sleep ?
I can personally recommend
the laundry basket.
We'll use the
sofa bed.
Not that !
It's so lumpy.
Great --
My life's coming apart,
And mr. Sensitivity is
worried about lumps.
Come on.
It'll only be
for one night.
Kate, you're
an optimist.
Sigh !
I wish life
were more fair.
I also wish mrs. Ochmonek
would undress with the
shades down.
Yee !
You want to
get the coffee ?Sure.
I'll get
the eggs.
I see alf's had
his breakfast.
At least he didn't
eat the tape recorder.
What's this ?
Probably his
grocery list.
Listen --
Dear earth family,
my shame is
so great,
I've decided
to leave.
Press "play" for
further details.
**
That's my
"carmen"
tape.
[Alf singing from "carmen"]
**
Yo, tanners --
It's me, alf.
Hope you don't mind me recording
over your carmen tape.
No, your version
is much better.
As you now know,
i'm not there.
I've run away
to a place
Where peace
and tranquility
Allow for the
contemplation
Of life's
vicissitudes.
What does he know ?
I still have to put the
toilet seat up for him.
Perhaps one day,
When i can deal with
my seedy lineage,
I will see you again.
Farewell,
i love you all.
Now back to more
classical music.
** [alf singing]
Where could he
have gone ?
Heaven
only
knows.
[Ding ding]
[Ding ding]
I hear you're looking
for a few good monks.
As you now know
i'm not there.
I've run away
to a place
Where peace
and tranquility
Allow for the
contemplation
Of life's
vicissitudes.
[Click]
I couldn't find
him anywhere.
Where could a
3-Foot, hairy
alien go
And not be
conspicuous ?
Steven
spielberg's
house ?
Any sign
of him ?
No, but my
friar tuck
costume
is gone.
Maybe he went to
sherwood forest.
No,
sherwood forest
is in england.
Alf only took
enough food to
get to canada.
Why did he
run away ?
It's hard to
explain.
You'll understand
when you're older.
How old ?
Older than me --
I'm still trying
to figure it out.
 Well ? Nothing.
Where could he
have gone ?
Someplace, where
peace and tranquility
Allow for the
contemplation
Of life's
vicissitudes.
That
sounds
familiar.
That's what
he said on
the tape.
No,
besides
that.
Alf, wanted me to
send my allowance
to a bunch of monks.
Listen to this.
"Peace and tranquility ...
life's vicissitudes."
It's from the
brothers of the
peaceful dominion.
That's it --
He's joined
a monastery.
I'm
sorry.
Excuse me,
Where's the
little monk's room ?
I have to take
a vicissitude.
Well, i guess
i can wait.
Are you here because
of a painful secret
from your past,
like i am ?
Or are you one
of those guys
who likes wearing
a dress ?
Right.
We're a
silent
order.
We don't
speak.
Ix-Nay
on the
eaking-
Spay.
Got it.
Mmm
mmm
mmmm.
Joke time, all right ?
This one will
knock you on
your cassocks.
What happened when
the heater went off
in the convent ?
They had a bunch
of blue nuns.
Ha ha ha.
Blue nuns, get it ?
Tough room.
[Ding]
Hey, why don't you