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Алиса здесь больше не живет

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make that up?
No. I heard it all my life.
I heard it first from my dad.
- You're kidding me.
- No, he's got some terrific sayings.
He lives out on a farm.
He always says his name's P.P.
He always says,
"Don't call me P.P. 'cause I'm all urine."
He makes up poems like,
"Alice, Alice, got no malice"
No more.
I'm glad you like that one.
Come on, the customers are waiting.
What's the matter?
Yeah. Laugh, laugh.
My business is falling apart,
and you're laughing.
On the way back to the motel,
I saw the "Waitress Wanted" sign.
I said, "Why not?" So I took this job.
Let me give you a hint.
- Honey, unbutton that top button.
- Really?
If you bend over,
you get more tips when you're working.
- You're kidding me...
- I'm not kidding. I got $50 last week.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Like that?
- Yeah.
Honey, forget what I said.
You do that,
and I'm never going to get a tip again.
You're so funny.
Boy.
You really need someone to talk to,
don't you?
You know, I bet you sure get lonesome,
don't you?
Yep. I miss my friend Bea.
What time is it now, about 2:30?
Exactly. How did you know that?
I can feel it.
Bea is now watching All My Children.
There's this character
on the show named Jeff...
and she's just madly in love with him.
You want me to fix you up
with somebody?
I know lots of guys
who'd fall down over you.
Their brains would fall out,
and they'd froth at the mouth.
That sounds attractive.
Thanks a lot, but I don't think so.
Besides, I kind of got my eye
on Daddy Duke.
Honey, if you change your mind,
just let me know.
I sure will.
Isn't that sun wonderful?
- Is today the Ripple day?
- No, not today.
- You want to steal something?
- Steal what?
- I don't know. What do you need?
- Nothing, really.
What do you want?
Nothing, except some guitar strings,
but they're real expensive.
- Where are they, at Chicago music store?
- Yeah.
Let's go, darling.
Come on.
Are you all right?
- My knee.
- What happened?
There's a slick spot on your floor.
I hope this doesn't ruin
my tryout for cheerleader.
I'm so sorry. Maybe you just stumbled.
- Thank you very much, sir.
- Good luck on your cheerleading.
I'd rather take a whipping
than mend fences.
Maybe it would be easier
to get an electric fence.
Not really.
They'd be out in about a week, anyway.
They smell the apples over there
and get wilder than a guinea.
- What does?
- The cows.
- Don't ever try and understand a cow.
- Okay.
The only thing dumber than a cow
is a chicken.
Turkeys are worse.
You know what a little turkey does
when it rains?
Put their head back
and open up their mouths and drown.
- They do not.
- They do, too.
My grandmother lost about 200 of them
once in one rainstorm.
Could I touch your beard?
It's soft.
- Your own brother taught you how to kiss?
- I don't mean he demonstrated.
He told me that
the worst thing that can happen...
is if a boy feels like he's put his lips
in a bowl of wet oatmeal.
At least he said "lips."
So the most important thing
to remember before you kiss...
is to wipe your mouth real good
and keep your lips together...
so he doesn't kiss your teeth.
We went to see
The Postman Always Rings Twice.
And there was this big close-up of...
What's her name?
Lana Turner and John Garfield, right?
They're coming together.
Big dramatic moment.
At last, they're going to kiss.
The music's playing. It's very dramatic.
Just as they come together,
they both open their mouths.
I thought, "My God, don't they know
how to kiss? What's wrong with them?"
I turned and looked at my brother
to see what he was going to say.
He didn't move,
he was just looking at screen.
He didn't say anything for three weeks.
Then all of a sudden one day, he says:
"Well, Al, I've been thinking."
- AI?
- Yes, he always called me Al.
"I think maybe you're supposed to
part your lips a little bit when you kiss."
God bless him.
If not, I had my work cut out for me.
So anyway,
Алиса здесь больше не живет Алиса здесь больше не живет

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